


Peanut Butter War

by Woon



Series: Nygma fics for a friend [7]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: F/M, Implied Threat, Pregnancy Cravings, Zsasz has a potty mouth, angry venting, mentions of a visectomy, mentions of adoption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 13:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17325782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woon/pseuds/Woon
Summary: Edward has to make a food run for the pregnant reader and Zsasz vents to Edward.





	Peanut Butter War

**Author's Note:**

> What started out as a few short fics for a friend just kind of kept going. Sadly, I no longer get to talk to that friend but I still seem to keep adding to this series periodically so I owe her my gratitude for inspiring the first few fics and continuing to inspire them even if we are no longer able to chatter about these idiots.

       “I look like a giant grape.” you showed Ed the pictures of the dress from the fitting. Ed just smiled, letting you get out your griping. “He's doing it on purpose.” He being Oswald.

         “I am sure that he isn’t. It is just the first fitting.” Edward ran a loving hand over your stomach, heavy with child. The baby had been moving about earlier and Ed had hoped to feel their movement. He'd convinced you to wait until the baby was born to learn the age-old boy or girl question.

       “I didn't mean to eat the whole jar. He's freaking rich why can't he stockpile it.” You shifted on the couch. “I'm hungry. The baby wants tacos.”

       “You mean you want tacos,” You shot him an evil look.

       “No, I want nachos with chicken and ground beef, drowning in queso. Black beans as well… oh and heavy on the sour cream. Guac on the side. The baby wants tacos.”

      Edward got off the couch and grabbed his keys sighing sadly. So much for the healthy dinner, he had planned to make for you both. “How many tacos for the baby? Also soft or crunchy?”

      “Both.” You smiled sweetly. “Can you stop by the bakery and get two dozen chocolate chip cookies, I suppose you should get two dozen peanut butter cookies as a peace offering to Oswald.” You just know he is making you look like a grape on purpose, vindictive little shit.

      Edward was trying to get in his car when he heard Victor’s voice. “Running away?”

      Edward shook his head, “Your sister has sent me to get food for her and your unborn niece or nephew.” Edward sighed. “Are you running away?”

     Victor gave Ed a blank stare, “I’ll drive you. The Girls went in to visit with (y/n).” Victor held out his hand for the keys. “Iris has the keys to mine.” He nodded in the direction of his vehicle. Ed decided just giving him the keys was easier than arguing, “Get in the car, Ed.”

      Twenty minutes into the drive, Edward spoke up. “So… “

      Victor cut him off, “The Boss is annoyed at my sister.” Ed let out a sigh, of course, you weren’t imagining it. “Penguin wants to adopt a kid before your wife pops out hers.”

      Ed burst out laughing. Victor shot him an annoyed look. “She is going to have the baby any day now. This is the first I’ve heard this, we can only move things along so quickly when it comes to adoption.”

      “I didn’t want kids.”

      “Not at all?” Ed decided this was a subject Victor wasn’t keen on having with anyone.

      “I got a vasectomy to avoid having little bastards that look like me running about this damn city. I don’t want children.” The annoyance was strong in his voice.

      “Did you tell Oswald that?”  Victor slammed on the brakes. Edward was thankful for being buckled in. “Yes, I fucking told him. He isn’t fucking listening to me, Riddles. Says I’ll change my mind as I did about getting married.”

      “And you won’t is what you're saying.”

       “I am saying that I am a fucking assassin, Nygma. I am not cut out to be a fucking parent. I raised my sister and that was fucking hell. You know how she is now, imagine her as a fucking teenager. Holy Fuck. Now he wants to adopt just because my sister ate all his fucking peanut butter. Fucking PEANUT BUTTER!!! He’s fucking rich, he should stockpile that shit.” Edward was smart enough not to laugh, you and Victor were definitely family.

      “You want me to talk to him?” Zsasz started driving again.

      “Yes. Before he decides to put a hit on my sister and I have to smother him in his sleep.” Ed’s eyes went wide.

      “He wouldn’t.”

       “Hello, have you met him. I caught him talking to Tommy Bones.”

      “I’ll talk to him today.” Edward had never seen Victor lose his temper ever.

       “Thank you. Also, don’t tell my sister, she might kill my fiance.”  

**Author's Note:**

> If you like, slap that kudos button. If you love, scream at me how much you love in the comments. If you hate, well they can't always be winners, I will try harder next time around.


End file.
